Seeing a change in your loved one can be worrying and very difficult. This page has some suggestions for ways you may be able to support them while looking after your own wellbeing. The most important thing to know is that you are not powerless. Your support can play a key role in your loved one’s recovery.
Tips for supporting a loved one with moral injury:
- Learn about moral injury: The more you understand about moral injury, the better you’ll be able to support your loved one and keep things in perspective. This website is a great place to stay updated on the latest research.
- Be there for them: Let your loved one know you’re available to spend time together or just listen. If you can, gently encourage them to share how they’re feeling and what may be on their mind, but do so without judgement. If they’re not ready to talk, reassure them that you’re there to support them whenever they feel ready. While it’s important not to pressure them, offering encouragement to accept your support can be helpful. Make sure they know that you care and are interested in what they have to say. Avoid offering advice unless they ask for it. Just listening empathetically and non-judgementally can make a big difference. Some of what they share may be difficult to hear, so be sure to respect their feelings and reactions with calmness and understanding.
- Be patient: Healing from moral injury takes time and isn’t always a straightforward journey. There will likely be ups and downs along the way. Be patient with your loved one and avoid pushing them to “move on” or “get on with it.” Let conversations happen at their pace.
- Listen without judgement: Don’t pressure them to share if they’re not ready or don’t want to. But if they do want to talk, it is helpful to listen without interrupting or judgement. Try not to make assumptions about how they may have felt in the past or how they feel now.
- Manage your own expectations: You do not need to have all the answers.
- Offer practical help: Sometimes practical support can make a big difference. If your loved one is struggling with self-care or maintaining a daily routine, offering to help with things like cleaning or cooking a meal can be helpful.
- Encourage help-seeking: Gently encourage your loved one to seek support if they’re ready. This website offers a list of resources that might be useful. However, try not to pressure them – not everyone is ready for treatment or more formal help. This can take time.
- Put on your own oxygen mask: Supporting someone who is struggling can be emotionally challenging. Be sure to also look after your wellbeing and seek support when you need it.
Try to avoid:
- Minimising their experience: Avoid saying things like “it could have been worse” when trying to comfort them, as this can make them feel like their feelings aren’t valid or justified.
- Telling them how they feel: Even if you think you’ve been through something similar, it’s important to listen without judgement and avoid making comparisons. Everyone’s experience is unique.
- Responding with advice: When sharing painful emotions and experiences, the most powerful support that a partner can offer is compassion, empathy, and understanding. It is natural to want to take action when your loved one is struggling, but they will want to feel heard, understood, and accepted. Avoid giving advice.
